Trash
by Soul Under
Summary: AU. Sometimes the best that you can do is just survive. Shizaya.
1. fading flies

AU.

Note: **This will be Shizuo/Izaya.**

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. . . t r a s h . . .

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* * *

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**fading flies**

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With a flutter of eyelids and a small groan; mocha irises shown themselves for the barest of moments before his eyes snap shut as he's bombarded with an obnoxiously bright light. His body is leaden and heavy and he can't deny just how fucking disappointed he feels. This was all wrong - he wasn't supposed to be waking up; but he can feel someone closing in at his side and his throat is throbbing with a dull ache.

He feels like he needs to cough, or throw up – maybe both.

"Ah, looks like you're waking up."

The voice sounds contorted, and he has to concentrate deeply as he finally manages to pry his own eyes open; unfocused and blurry – he can't really make out the person standing over him, but they're blocking out some of the harsh light that's making his eyes burn. At least, until a smaller and much closer one flashes back and forth before him, and he there are fingers tugging down on his cheeks.

_Fuck off_, he want's to say but he can't seem to find his words.

"Shizuo, I'm doctor Kishitani; but you can just call me Shinra. I'm not really one for formalities," the foreign male voice says, and Shizuo tries to glare a little as the brightness leaves his sight, and he can finally make out the man talking.

Blinking a few times to clear his vision, he can finally process his full situation as he looks down at the white and blue blankets and sheets covering him from the waist down. In a bed that's escalated a little for him to be somewhere between laying and sitting; there's an I.V needle stuck in his arm and a small clip pinned on one finger. He can hear the beeping of the heart monitor somewhere to his left but he feels much too tired to actually turn his head and look at it.

The room is made of three regular walls, and one glass one in which sliding door is located. There are blinds drawn across the majority of it; blocking out most the view to both the inside and outside of the room, and it all makes sense now.

Shizuo is in a hospital; and unfortunately, he's fully aware of why he's here.

"Your brother went out to get something to drink, I'm sure he'll be back in no time. He said you were tossing and turning, so it was only a matter of time before you woke up," the doctor explained, and Shizuo flicked his eyes over the man. Shinra seemed much to young for such a profession and his dark hair was a little too long to be considered anything masculine. Glasses framed his light blue eyes, and there was something overly friendly and childish about the man that Shizuo couldn't find anything more than annoying.

The blond starts to open his mouth to speak, but his stomach lurches and he has to wrap an arm around his midsection at the nausea that hits him. An emesis basin is suddenly trust before him and he wastes no time in puking into it painfully. He can't stop the onset of disgust that rolls over him as he stares down at the contents – a dark red with crusted flakes. It's all old blood and there's no saying how much he swallowed.

Gagging a few more times as he pants with his head lowered, his bleached blond bangs are handing in front of his eyes and it's a bit irritating. He tilts his face a bit so he can look up at the smiling doctor whom held the basin in front of him, not looking the least bit perplexed at the reaction.

"I would ask you how you feel, but I already know the answer to that," Shinra says and he uses his free hand to adjusts his glasses for a moment. When he's certain his patient isn't going to vomit anymore, and pulls the basin back with steady hands before walking over to the sink on the opposite end of the room. "And besides, I know you don't particularly care for your health, anyway. If you did, you wouldn't be here."

Shizuo tries to growl but his throat rejects the action and he winches as the throbbing increases. "W-...wu...wha-t...?" He finally manages to croak out and he has to lift a hand to touch the thick bandages wrapped around his neck; has to confirm.

The dark haired doctor watches his his movements and attempts at speaking for a moment before he chooses the intervene. "Ne, it's going to take a little while before you can speak properly. You didn't hit your vocal cords, but you did damage your neck pretty badly. However... you've been improving at a very impressive rate, so it's safe to say that it'll be healed up by the end of the month, and you'll have yourself some pretty nasty scarring."

Shit.

Lowering his head back against his pillows, Shizuo stares blanking at the ceiling while he tries put his thoughts together; tries not to throw up again on impulse because he mouth tastes like blood and stomach acid. He doesn't feel like saying anything; doesn't want to associate with this doctor anymore. He ashamed for some reason, even through he tells himself that it was his choice in the first place.

"Do you remember what happened?" Shinra asks, and the blond caves with a small, barely noticeable nod. "Hm. Do you regret it at all?"

Shizuo shakes his head this time because, no. He really doesn't regret his decision.

The door to the room slides open, and the blond gives a visibly defeated sounding sigh as he sees his younger brother enter; a bottle of green tea in his hands. Kasuka looks from the patient to the doctor before he slowly and quietly walks to the bedside, sitting on the edge of it while he stares down at the I.V poking into his brothers arm.

"Okay," Shinra starts with another kind smile; he get's it. "I'll be back in just a bit to to talk you about a few things, but right now I'd like to give you two some time alone, okay?" He says as he makes to exit the room without any form of confirmation from either parties. He slides the glass door shut behind him on the way out and within moments he disappears from sight.

The two of them say nothing as they're left alone, but Kasuka lifts his gaze so he can meet the blonds head on. Shizuo's skin prickles and bit and he cannot suppress the deep ache that settles in his chest like a thick chuck of lead; pressing down with more and more weight at each passing moment.

He can't fucking take this.

"Nii-san..." Kasuka murmurs, and his voice is just as soft and flat as it always is; his face and tone never once betraying any sort of emotion. "You tried to kill yourself. You slit your throat."

Shizuo averts his eyes down to some spot on the bed, but he never-the-less still chokes out a small "yes". His voice feels like it's in shreds, like he swallowed broken glass; all rough and sharp and painful.

The younger reaches out, taking hold of the blond's hand in a sort of mirroring attempt at comfort. The action seemed almost mechanical; like he was on auto-pilot, but Shizuo knew his little brother was trying very, very hard to show how upset he was. Even if he might not be.

The blond uses his other hand to touch and prod at the bandaging around his neck, and he wonders why it doesn't hurt that much. Sure, he's always been resistant against pain; but it felt more like a dull throb that only honestly hurts when he tries to speak.

"I found you." Kasuka admits, and Shizuo has to guiltily close he eyes; he was afraid of that. "You had your bedroom door locked, and I climbed in through the window. There's blood all over your room, now... mom and dad are getting everything cleaned."

"Wh-ere...?" Shizuo rasps out as he looks to his younger sibling in curiosity. He tries not to think about the idea of Kasuka finding him in a pool of his own blood; tries not to think about just how much he's fucked his little brother up.

"Work," he answers honestly, and as always, the brunet knows exactly what the blond is saying, even if he doesn't finish a complete sentence. "I told them I'd stay here with you and keep them updated on how you were doing."

Shizuo isn't surprised.

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* * *

_when we're gone_

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Later, when the sun is starting to set and the dark golden streams filter through the window near his bed, Shizuo sends Kasuka home. Apparently his younger sibling had been with him for the past two days – never once leaving while Shizuo had been unconscious. He told his brother to go home; that he'd be fine, and he could come visit him again tomorrow - _after_ Kasuka's had a good shower, change of clothes, and a night's sleep.

He didn't want the brunet to suffer on his behalf – even if he knew that wasn't the case.

Shinra came back in eventually, and Shizuo couldn't help but wonder just how long this guys work-day was; he still seemed energetic and bubbly – not at all exhausted or upset over his patients. He wondered how many people the doctor watched die today; if any at all.

"This is what's going to happen," he starts from where he sits in the chair near Shizuo's bedside. "You're going to remain in here until about the end of the week; though, you may leave sooner if you continue to improve at this rate. But, we're not going to discharge you from the hospital. You're going to be transferred to my wing in the psychiatry ward, where I can keep you on suicide watch. You'll be there for however long you need to be, Shizuo."

The brunet doctor seems so serious even if his voice sounds light, and Shizuo knows he has no way to get out of this. It was going to happen whether he wanted to or not, and he'd just have to make due with his arrangements.

"I don't want to let you go home so you can do this all over again, that would be reckless and irresponsible on my part, ne? And, for the time I'm going put you on some Benzodiaphine's. My first choice is called Alprazolam; you'll know it as Xanax," the doctor explained and Shizuo closed his eyes irritably; he didn't want to get drugged up like a psycho-zombie. "Your family explained your rage issues, and I thought medication would be the best route in this sort of situation. I don't want you to hulk out and harm any of my staff, after all." It was said like a simple joke, but the blond knew it to be truth.

He was aggressive, and he did have a severe anger problem. There was no saying whether or not he might – would – loose it and lash out on everyone and everything around him. The only person he really wanted to hurt was himself; no matter how pathetic it may sound.

"Shizuo?" Shinra questions, and the blond blinks his eyes open and tilts his gaze to him. "...I know you don't want to hear this, but there are many people out there who care about you. They don't want you to die, and... you're only twenty-one. There's still got a lot to live for."

_No_, he thinks in return.

There isn't.

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* * *

_we'll sleep_

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Some dingy nightclub where the music is much too loud and the lights are flashing and multicolored; this is where Shizuo looses his virginity to a girl named Vorona.

She's got shoulder-length blond hair that looks a bit dried out from the excessive use of hairspray, and the zip-up skin tight black shirt she's wearing it's pulled down far enough to nearly reach her belly-button. She's got on a jean miniskirt with some knee-high dark black stiletto boots; one of her legs bent so a the heel of her boot is pressed against the thrumming wall she's leaning against.

Standing alone under the dim lighting of the back end of the club, smoke curls from her lips and she looks so dark and mysterious despite her pale skin, hair and eyes. Shizuo can't tear his eyes away from the long spans of her legs, up and up until they meet the short skirt that leaves little to the imagination.

He'd just graduated from high school and this was the celebratory party night that his friends had dragged him into. Kadota promised that he'd be the designated driver for all of them; keeping an eye on all of them. Last Shizuo had seen; Togusa and Kadota were sitting off at some table while Erika and Walker went wild on the crowded dance floor.

He had been on his way to the bathroom; head spinning and his skin flushed from the alcohol he'd induced, and he really needs to cool down – to take a quick little break. Then, there _she_ is in all of her twisted glory; standing near the men's bathroom with an eyebrow quirked in his direction. She scan's her light blue eyes over his form with an odd little smirk and Shizuo can feel his heart beating faster from the mere look alone. They stare at each other for a few long moments, and he can't seem to form any proper words; but she fixes that for him.

"You alone?" She questions him while she pulls the smoldering cigarette from her lips; painted with a dark crimson that stains the orange tip of the filter.

"Maybe," Shizuo replies and his voice is just loud enough to be heard in the pounding music that makes his chest vibrate. He takes a few steps closer and decides that he can play this little game.

She grins at him, taking one last drag on her cigarette and the burning tip brightens in the darkness of the back hall, before she crunches it out on the wall she's leaning against. She lifts her hand; touching idly at his natural chestnut colored hair, and Shizuo glances briefly at the couple of rings on her fingers and the bangles on her wrists.

Her smile widens a little at the way he doesn't pull away from the innocent touch, and she steps closer to him and he can smell her; the mixture of cigarette smoke and perfume. With the added height of her boots, she's only a couple of inches shorter than him and her eyes are bright in the dim lighting; pale blue and alluring. She trails her fingers down from his hair to his chest, gaze sharpening for a moment as if she's waiting for him to push her away; still, there's no rejection.

Shizuo feels his own mouth draw into a lazy smirk and he brings his hands up to rest on the small of her back. He can feel the smoothness of her skin from the way her shirt is riding up, and he only pressed his fingers up under the material, reveling in the way she grips his bicep with her other hand. He drifts up higher on her back, fully under her shirt now and it registers that she's not wearing a bra.

She leans up a little bit until their faces are close, and he can practically taste the cigarette she was smoking. Her breath ghosts across his lips as she speaks; all hot and husky and he can feel his body reacting instantly to the toxicity of their closeness.

"You wanna have some fun?"

He has to think her words over a few times before he finally processes it in his slightly drunken state. Shizuo curves his head down near her neck and she's breathing a little harder now; much like himself. "Absolutely," he growls against her throat while she tips her head back a little from the ministrations and he feels her exhale against him; harsh and warm.

It's not until she drops her hand from his chest; reaching down to grip tightly at his groin and he can feel himself hardening at the action – at the boldness. He growls lowly against her hair. The transition process into the single bathroom is nearly lost to both of them, but once inside he bolts the door shut before he leans down for just a moment; taking hold of the back of her knees as he hoists her up. She wraps her legs around his waist instinctively and bites at his neck while he fumbles with his belt and zipper. She's not wearing any underwear.

Barely ten minutes later, when Shizuo is slumped against back against the wall as his body thrums on the vibrations moving through the building from the music outside; she is leaning forward on the sink as she fixes her makeup in the flickering, dim light. He watches her re-apply her lip gloss and smooth her hair out, so it's less messy looking.

"So, what's your name?" He questions as he finally maneuvers his hands to button up his jeans, and clasp his belt shut. His body is tingling from relaxation and he can't remember the last time he's felt so completely at ease. It was like nothing could make him mad – nothing could piss him off right now.

The girl grins at him through the mirror; light blue eyes shining mischievously though the dim lighting of the bathroom, and she turns around to face him, leaning back against the cheap marble sink.

Shizuo braces himself against the wall, pushing himself up to stand, and she immediately sticks her hand out in front of him. He looks up to her curiously, and she's just smiling back at him kindly, keeping her hand out as an invitation. Reaching out to take hold, he couldn't put it past just how bizarre it was to be shaking hands with the girl he just fucked in a public bathroom.

"My name is Vorona." She says by way of introduction, giving their handshake a brief pump before letting go.

Shizuo likes how direct she is.

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* * *

_with satellites_

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He doesn't even know how it all happened.

One moment he's lying in his hospital bed; head swimming with static from the medication they're dosing him with, while his nerves and body radiated anger and aggression. He's been in this room for nearly a week, and he's going to be transferred to the fucking crazy ward sometime tonight. Shizuo couldn't calm himself of how pissed off he is.

But there he was – lying still while he silently seethed to himself. The next thing he knows, however; his sitting on top of the male nurse who came in to give him a fresh I.V, while he pounds the stupid fucker's face in. He vaguely hears the sick crunch of a broken nose while the guy yells out for help; according to his name tag, the nurses name is 'Seiji'.

Vile curse words and insults filter through his brain past the constant chant of 'kill kill kill', and his captive is bleeding all over his cheap scrubs. The glass door to the room is jerked open, and Shizuo feels himself being forcefully drug off of the other man; there are three staff residents pulling him back. A slight prickling feeling irritates the skin on his lower back, and he knows immediately that they've just stuck him with a needle.

Shizuo blindly strikes out; swinging his elbow back behind him so it slams into the face of one of the guards trying to restrain him. Somewhere before him, Seiji is scattering away; blood gushing from his nose and slicking down his shirt and pattering across the floor.

He turns himself a little too quickly; his world spinning as the dizziness evades his senses. Things seem to slow down, and he wants to scream and yell at the fuckers who dare try and take him down like some wild animal. Their faces are beginning to blur, and his throat still won't let him yell out any proper insults and words to bombard the men with.

He's on his knee's now; he tries to stand but his legs are starting to feel like jelly. The three guards are all surrounding him; standing strong and defensively as though they're waiting for him to attack yet again. Shizuo takes them up on their challenge, ready to start another round but he feels too detached and unfocused to make any sort of move. His vision is going in and out, and all he can really think is _shit_.

Shizuo slumps to the tiled floor; blacking out once the sedatives have fully set in his system.

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TBC

Please review and tell me what you think. I would really love to hear from you.


	2. safely pinned

**.**

**safely pinned**

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Most people can't remember their dreams; but Shizuo has to force himself to forget.

He's lost count of how many times he's been pulled into consciousness, body automatically moving to sit up just like people do in the fucking movies, when they have a nightmare. He'd be sweaty and and crowded, alone in the dark, and panting lightly to himself as though he'd just run some kind of marathon. The room would feel all too small, and he hated how stereotypical the scene always played out to be.

_Push it back - don't think about it - push it back push it back push it back push it back..._

His fingers would grip his blankets and sheets at his sides, and he would squeeze his eyes shut or blink rabidly in hopes of relieving the horrid images from his mind. He'd feel a bit choked and his chest would hurt, and it would be far too early in the morning for him to wake up now. So; once he has forcefully pushed everything back – once he's locked it all away in that carefully crafted safe at the back of his mind, he would slowly lay back down and pull his blanket up until it reached his chin.

The illusion of comfort.

Shizuo would let out a shaky exhale; staring blankly up at his ceiling while he wills his body to calm itself. Brows would furrow as he'd let his mocha eyes slide close.

He'd focus on something else – a fantasy world of some kind. Think about his favorite show or book; play out the images in his head to a much lighter degree. Anything to keep his attention off of the graphic horror that nagged at the back of his mind; tugging and pulling at the restraints he'd so attentively constructed, almost as if it all _wanted_ to be released.

The choking feeling wouldn't leave his throat; pent up guilt and sadness that was pressed down too far was still threatening to bubble up.

"Don't think about it," he would whisper to himself in the dark, letting his thoughts creep into lighter scenarios and subjects. Thinking about that stupid cartoon that Kasuka liked to watch; 'Vampire Ninja Kaamina Saizou' – thinking about the latest episode and how the main character had fought off the bad guy and saved the beautiful damsel in distress. It was better than facing reality.

It would be enough to make him forget; even if it was temporary.

Then his thoughts would shift to the beach; waves shifting and calming in the cool, crisp air. He could practically taste the salt from the surf, and feel the warm sand against his skin. It was his sanctuary – the place that he could disappear to without a sense of remorse or hesitation; the place where he could be alone as he stares out at the never ending horizon that meets with the sky for a beautiful mixture of blues.

Then – those blues would quickly change into a set of pale eyes.

He would hear the sickening crack of bones.

We would see that splash of blood that mixes with water.

He'd hear that frantic screaming.

He'd find himself crying in the middle of the night before he even realized what was happening.

Then, he would forget why he was upset in the first place.

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* * *

_sheltered here from everyone_

* * *

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He can't feel anything.

That's the first thing that registers in his mind as he's once again pulled awake. Something inside of him says that he'd been drugged to the teeth with sedatives to keep him from lashing out again; but that might have just been the voice to his right. Someone's telling him that he's been out for a good day and a half, and that sounds about right given the stiffness in his joints and muscles. Like reawakening the dead.

Letting out a small groan, he turns his head a little bit so his gaze can focus on the shock of straight khaki blond hair that frames a boyish face; the owner of which is leaning in just enough that Shizuo can see him properly. Blinking a few times to focus a little more, Shizuo stares at the other male until his mind clears just enough that he can finally hear what the other is saying.

His body feels like it's being held down his lead weights, and his mind is so calm and clear and he thinks that this is what zombies must feel like. There was nothing in him; no anger, guilt, happiness, or caring – he was just _complacent_. He was just _there_. Despite how his body is reacting to his supposed medication; Shizuo still manages to pull himself up into a sitting position so he can turn to look at the male at his bedside.

"-nyway; my name is Kida! What's your name?"

Kida looks much younger than him; somewhere in his mid to late teens, and he's got a friendly smile that lights up his entire face. His eyes are the same khaki color that his hair is; but there are visible brown roots which mean his hair has been bleached just like his own. Kida seems eager and happy, and Shizuo can see a bed identical to his own behind the other male. One quick look around told him he was in a new sort of room; that this must be his place in the ward that Shinra had told him about.

This was the wing meant for Suicide Watch.

The walls are a pale, creamy shade that matches the bedsheets; everything dyed the same color as though it's supposed to be soothing. Shizuo opens his mouth to speak, and he's instantly reminded that his throat is still in shreds – still damaged from that fact that he had slit it barely over a week ago.

"Shi-...iz...uo..." He tries, reaching a tanned hand up to prod at the bandaging around his neck. It doesn't hurt at all; everything in him is numb and distant, but his throat still doesn't seem to want to work. Shizuo want's to be pissed off about it, but he can't seem to find any hint of will for aggression. He hates his medication already.

"Ah, 'Shizuo', huh?" Kida asks with a simple smile, not at all put off by the older male's struggle for words. "Glad to meet my new roommate!" He holds his hand out in a sort of greeting form, and Shizuo can the the thick lining of scars running down the insides of the teens arms; deep marks that span from the base of his palm and up to his elbow. The scars look old in retrospect, and Shizuo has to blink before he takes in the form of recognition and shakes the other blonds hand.

He's not sure what to make of this situation, but Kida doesn't seem at all fazed by his disposition as he tugs Shizuo up, gently pulling him into a standing position that clearly displays their ratio in size. The older is taller by a good half of a foot, but Kida just grins happily up at him before he starts to tug him towards the open door of their shared room.

"Come on – Shinra told me to bring you to him when you woke up. This place really isn't all that scary, so don't let it get to you," the younger blond advises as he leads Shizuo out into the hallway. "They only really get tough on you if you lash out, so just try and keep yourself in check. Though... I think it'd be easier for you, seeing as they got you doped up. Oh! So, I've been here for about nine days, but this is my fourth visit over the past year. I've got this place pretty well figured out; so you can ask me about anything. I'm not the most senior out of all of us, that title belongs to either Aoba or Izaya. They've both been here off and on, but they always stay in the Psych Ward for a few months at a time. I heard that they've actually spent more time in here, than they have out in the real world.

"Aoba can be a bit mean, but if you leave him alone then he'll leave you alone. No one really knows just how long he's been here exactly, because he himself won't say. He's actually the youngest out of all of us – he's only fourteen!" Kida says; talking on and on to the taller blond at his side who merely follows him quietly and apathetically.

Shizuo, in hindsight, is having trouble identifying his emotions because it seemed like he didn't _have any_. The washed white colors of the walls around them matched what he felt on the inside.

Just – _blank_.

"Stop talking about me, Kida!" Comes a yell from down the hall; there is a line of doors on each side that no doubt lead to the rooms of fellow in-patients. A raven haired teenager pokes his head out from an open door near the end of the hall, bright blue eyes narrowed in a threatening manner, but his cute and girlish face does nothing to make him seem intimidating.

"I don't know what you mean, Aoba! I was just talking with my new pal here; you obviously must be hallucinating people saying your name." Kida calls back to the raven, a grin plastered on his lips as he's met with an icy glare from the teen in question. The raven waits a few beats before retreating back into his room, and Kida looks up to Shizuo with an accomplished demeanor. He continues to chatter on about something that the older blond deems unimportant as they walk steadily down the hall that opens up into a larger room near the end.

Shizuo can't help but notice the way that all of the doors to the patients room are open – all except for one, which is latched shut. He's almost tempted to voice his curiosity to the younger teen at his side, but he decides instead to keep it to himself. It's embarrassing to try and talk with his throat all fucked up, anyway. He makes sure to avoid looking into the tiny window on the closed door as they pass. Kida finally stops talking when they reach the end of the hall; Shizuo wants to find his seemingly constant blabber annoying, but it doesn't seem to bother him enough to react.

Something that was a bit questionable to him was _why_ Kida was here. This was the section of the Psych Ward meant for all of those who had attempted suicide, and were on watch to prevent a second time from coming about. Evidently Kida had made the action to end his life; but yet he was to fucking _happy_, Shizuo didn't understand the logic behind his reasoning for the action. It makes him wonder if it was all an act; if the younger teen was pretending to be okay like he'd seen people do so many times before.

There's a rather wide desk with a male and female standing behind it as one writes on some open documents, and the other types away on a computer. Shizuo recognizes the male as doctor Shinra, though his female companion he has yet to know. She looks rather beautiful with red-brown shoulder-length hair, and emerald green eyes. He trails his eyes down from her face only to zone in of a thick and jagged scar at wraps around her neck in plain view.

"Hey, Shinra! I brought your package, as requested!" Kida says cheerfully as they approach the elongated residential desk. The blue-eyed brunet in question looks up with a kind smile.

"Ah, thank you very much, Masaomi," Shinra coincides with a nod. "you can leave me to handle it."

Kida gives the man a mock salute with a brief 'yessir!' before he turns back around and heads back down the hall from which he originally came, humming some upbeat tune to himself. Shizuo remains rooted to his spot at he stares contemplatively at the doctor he'd become acquainted with.

Shinra circles around the desk until he's standing before the blond; expression just as warm and caring as always, though, Shizuo could see something ticking and calculating behind his blue eyes. Like he was reading him expertly in a secretive fashion; it made him wonder just how smart the doctor really was underneath that playful exterior.

"It's good to see you up and about, Shizuo." Shinra affirms as he leans a bit on the desk to address the female resident who continued to type on her computer. "Ne, Celty – could you hand me that?"

Celty turns her head to give him a sharp glare at being interrupted from her work, but she remains silent as she gives him a hand-held whiteboard with an attached non-toxic marker. Shinra turns his attention back to Shizuo just as quickly as the woman goes back to her work, and he lifts the dry-erase-board for the blond to see.

"It'll be another week or so before you'll be able to start talking regularly without your throat holding you back. So, until then – you can use this to say whatever you need to say." Shinra explains as the younger male lightly takes the offered item with a bit of reluctance. He felt so fucking pathetic; having to write on some board just to communicate. Why the hell couldn't they just leave him to die?

"Something wrong?" The brunet doctor questions when he takes notice of Shizuo's rather dark look. The blond blinks in response before shaking his head with a small sigh. An obvious lie.

Shizuo holds the whiteboard down at his side with a hint of resignation, and Shinra studies his face for a moment as though looking for something the blond was keeping hidden. Waiting a beat or two, the brunet gives a curt nod as if to himself, before breaking out into another kind smile.

"Okay! Well, if you follow me I'll show you around this place."

He follows mechanically as Shinra makes to walk. The nurses station is located at the edge of a wide open area; which only serves to lead into a series of different rooms – all of which have opened doors just like in the in-patients hall behind them. Shizuo's mind is immediately drawn back to the fact that there was still that one closed door; he couldn't deny his curiosity as to whom was in there.

Shinra leads him to the first room closest to them, which he points into with that same stand smile on his face. The brunet chatters on about how it's the cafeteria – a small little area with three large tables to sit at – and Shizuo can pretty much figure it all out for himself.. Letting out a small sigh, he lifts the dry erase board to jot down a quick message, and the doctor stops talking long enough for him to write.

_[Where exactly am I? Is this the Psychiatric Ward?]_

Reading the message intently, Shinra gives a small laugh and shakes his head. "No – no, actually. This is kind of an in-between place. It's just suicide watch, really. If you tried to off yourself, you're sent here after you recover. If you don't show any improvement, then you get sent to the actual psychiatric ward. This is just a small segment of it. There are several in-patients on this floor who have been there, honestly."

Shizuo lowers the board back down to his side with a hint of resignation in his actions, and Shinra steers them around to walk to the next part of his apparent tour. There are really only three areas in which are placed importance; the cafeteria, the activity room, and his own shared room.

Everyone was to follow the same schedule; all told when to get up, eat, and interact with each other. There are group sessions held in the activity room every other hour or so, in which everyone talks about their problems even when they don't want to.

It was pathetic.

His mind is barely on the task at hand; and most of the things that he's being told are passing right through him. Shizuo just doesn't give a fuck. He want's to go home. He want's to die – and who the hell has the right to tell him otherwise? It's his life, and his decision.

"-izuo?"

Blinking in recognition, the blond in question raises his eyes from the floor to meet the curious gaze of the doctor before him.

"Haha, I know; it's a lot to take in, right?" Shinra surmises; his disposition not at all put off by the youngers lack of interest in his talking. "It's alright, you'll get used to things pretty quick. It's not nearly as complicated as I made it all sound. There'll be 'group time' in about forty-five minutes, so you'll have a chance to meet everyone else on the ward. Maybe you'll make some friends! Everyone here has one common factor, after all."

The doctor didn't say that common factor aloud, but Shizuo got the message. Everyone here attempted suicide recently. Not that he cared.

Turning to look at the silent blond, Shinra's kind expression didn't falter in the slightest as he clapped his hands together once, as if to signify the end of his explanations.

"Alright, well – I'm going to take you back to your room now. Oh! Right; and a bit of a side note... When in-between activities, you are to stay in you room. Unless you have a escort from me or one of the nurses, you are to remain there, okay?"

Letting out a sigh, Shizuo gave a curt nod of his head as a translation to yes, he understood.

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* * *

TBC

slowly making progress.

please review, its what keeps me updating.


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